Getting all my Ducks in a Row: 2010-12-26

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Waking up to the Reality of Motherhood

See these beautiful boys? They are my pride and joy. My reason for waking in the morning and I worry sometimes that I will never be the kind of Mother they deserve. While I love them more than life itself - I fear that I have made them out to be little angels by only focusing on the good about them.

They show me everyday that Motherhood is a battle waged over the lifetime of your kids. It's not easy or even pleasant every day but it is definitely a war worth fighting. There are moments when find out what it IS to be a Mother? I wanted to share one of those moments this week. It didn't come from anything good. It came from a big pile of nastiness I found under my bed.

Now you might be thinking that labor and delivery is when you find out what it is to be a Mother...but I don't think so. Sure you find out what your body is capable of - you find out what your heart is capable of - you even find out what it means to love someone more than life itself - but Motherhood is a badge that is earned day in and day out in little moments.

These little moments can be things that melt your heart, like a dirty fistful of smashed flowers or a soul crushing hug from your toddler after a long day at school but they can also be ugly, stinky and tear inducing.

While folding laundry this past week I knelt down next to my bed to pick up a sock I had dropped. Something caught my eye and upon further investigation I realized that my 3 boys had been using my bed as their own personal dumping grounds. If they were eating an apple while watching TV in my room - why waste energy to throw it in the trash - nah toss it under Mom's bed. Sneaking candy when your not supposed to? Mom's bed turns out to be the best place to hide it or just the wrappers.

The more that I dug out of the dump that was once only reserved for dust bunnies, the more steam seemed to be coming out of my ears. Thank goodness my kids were on a sleep over because I really fear what I might have done or said to them in the first few minutes of discovering the mother load of all messes.

I told Hubby to go and get his kids - I wanted them home immediately. In the 20 minutes that it took to gather them up and drive home...I had a chance to calm down and reflect.

Now I'm not going to say that this is all my fault (I didn't leave a container of cashews under the bed in some sleep eating fit) but I couldn't help but wonder how the heck they did do all of this without me knowing it. Where the heck was I when they had been eating muffins and throwing the wrappers under there?

Truthfully? I might have been on the computer. I might have been writing out one of my posts or reading one of yours. In the past year I have found myself drawn more and more into spending more time online and therefore turning a blind eye to my kids every move. It's seemed that I might have needed this kick in the ass to get to the realization that my kids are still little. They still do dumb stuff. They need a lot of supervision or they are going to get into trouble, make mistakes or just be plain gross.

I really needed those 20 minutes to be able to greet my kids at the door with a calm heart and a steady hand. I looked them straight in the eye and asked very quietly...did you eat and dump anything under my bed. They all admitted to it and then got to work cleaning our entire house right along with me from top to bottom. I didn't raise my voice or use harsh words when they complained. I simply said - we are going to clean until we know how to use the trash can. When I thought of giving up - I would remind myself of my blame in the situation. I'll stop when I know better than to let my kids roam while I blog.

These ugly moments are not as endearing as flowers or hugs but they are no less important. Motherhood is not something that we are born knowing how to do but a skill that must be acquired over the lifetime of our children's lives.

I have such high hopes for the childhood of those I am responsible for. I am in such a better place than my Mother was for me. I want them to look back on this time of their lives with an endearing smile at the joy of just having to be a kid. I have held back on letting them in on the harsh realities of the world that we live in so that they can know what it really means to be innocent. I want them to grow up with the love and attention that I wished for as a child but if I don't wake up to the fact that my children need me to focus on them, my dreams will never come true.

This post was written and linked up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop here. If you are interested in participating here are this week's post topics. I chose # 5.

This Weeks Prompts:

1.) Choose a word that encompasses 2010 and describe why. What word will you choose as your theme for 2011?
2.) If the way you spent your New Year's Eve is any indication of how the rest of the year will go, how would you say your future is looking right about now?
3.) Drunk.
4.) What happened in 2010 that you'd rather not repeat?
5.) Read and Respond: "If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up." ~J.M. Power

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Let Them Be Little

I miss the big piles of dirt you used to love crawling around until your jeans were so saturated with it that they were more brown than blue.

I miss the tonka trucks, hot wheels, dirty hands and faces.

I miss Thomas the tank engine and all his friends. I'll never look at Cranky the Crane without getting a little teary eyed.

I miss the mispronounced words and questions out the wazoo.

I miss outside being the most exciting place to be in your world.

I miss being the most important person in your life.

I miss cute little button front pajamas.

I miss having a child for each arm and leg while out and about - your so independent now that most of the time I am pulling back on the reins just to get you to walk with me.

I miss the excitement over the tinest bug or animal.

Time is moving so fast and I know if I don't savor these last few years I will regret it for a lifetime. Already your bodies are moving on...growing out of your clothes and shoes as fast as I buy them. You are eating me out of house and home but secretly I love it as I know that you are healthy. While I have high hopes for your futures I wish that I could just freeze time for just a while. Savor the moments when I catch tiny glimpses of the little boys that you once were.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Show Me Your #giveaway or #contest

Thanks for entering your Giveaways!
This is a great way to spread the word about them and get more entries! If you don't have a blog - this list is a great way to find fabulous giveaways to enter!

Please include your Blog, Prize and End Date.

Stop by Life As A CEO to link up too!

Buy More Handmade

When Miss Maddy picked out this outfit to wear today - I was over the moon excited. I had carefully selected each little piece from some of my favorite handmade shops, wrapped them all up under the Christmas tree and waited eagerly for her to see them.

The truth is that when she opened them - they went straight over her shoulder along with all the other clothes while she started to rip into another package which fingers crossed contained a toy.

But today she was able to appreciate what I already had...beautiful handmade yuminess.

Petti Skirt from Elle Dee Designs
Site: http://www.elledeedesign.com/
Blog: http://elledeedesign.blogspot.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/elledeedesign

Bows from Made Just 4 You
Site: http://www.etsy.com/shop/theroyalfamily
Blog: http://www.madejust4you.blogspot.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MadeJust4Youbows

Custom T-shirt from Mimi's Babies
Site: http://www.etsy.com/shop/mimisbabies
Blog: http://www.mimisbabiesgifts.blogspot.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/mimisbabiesetsy

I was not compensated in any way for this post. I paid for each and every item with my hard earned money. I loved them all so much that I wanted to share them.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Goals for 2011

This time last year we were reeling from the shock of losing a loved one. This was the second death during the holidays for my family in as many years. I have been left wondering if this was going to be the same outcome for my Great Grandmother whose health took a very serious turn right before Christmas. I am happy to say that she is on the mend...slowly but surely eating and drinking more to regain some of her strength.

During this time of the year everyone starts looking toward the new year with resolutions but I'm starting off the first day of the new year looking back at the accomplishments that we have made and coming up with a few new goals.

Personal Goals:

I'm going to focus more on taking care of myself. I am going to make sure to go to bed every night at a decent hour, remove all make-up, tone and moisturize, and do weekly facials or masques. I will continue to spend my $100.00 budget on updating my wardrobe and try to feel more at ease with my body and clothing. When I start thinking that I feel like I am playing dress up I'll remind myself that I am in my 30's not 13. That it is not only acceptable for me to care about how I look but expected and appreciated.

I want to step outside of my comfort zone this year. The more time that I spend with Mother and hear all of her stories I think about what I will have to tell my great grandchildren and whether I will be able to encourage my children to try new things/explore their world. So this year I would like to do that on a small scale (hoping this will inspire me to try bigger and better things.) I will try sushi and Thai food. I would love to take my kids on a few road trips and maybe this year will finally be the year that we all get to see an ocean.

I am going to cut myself some slack. I take myself way to seriously sometimes. I want to have fun and let loose this year. I want to share my excitement over little things with my readers this year. I am going to share more of myself (than the things that I love to eat and cook) through twitter and facebook.

Home Goals:

This time last year I wasn't certain that home ownership would be something that would be an option, but with time, effort and determination - we made it a reality in 2010. This year I would like to focus on making MY home a place that I love. I want to do some renovations and updates. This year I would like to bring my kitchen and bathrooms up to date. I would also like to have the interior of the house professionally painted, carpet replaced and buy new TV's and a dishwasher.

I want to get rid of a lot of the junk that clutters my life and home. I think by getting rid of a lot of it - I could have a much happier and cleaner home.

I want to remind myself what a big help it is to spend 15 minutes a day just putting things back where they go - it makes cleaning so much easier and quicker.

Money Goals:

While the last few years there has been a huge focus on improving our credit score - this year I would love to make it a goal to make our money work for us. We have been in touch with out insurance agent about life insurance policies for each of our kids and a couple of policies for Hubby and I. On 6 policies we will be paying extra that will increase the value over time - this can be used in the future to help pay for the cost of college, weddings or help down payments for the houses of our children. We are setting up 2 IRA's to help with retirement and 2 term policies for Hubby and I to make sure that if something were to happen to either of us during this child rearing stage in our life were to happen the other will have a cushion to make sure that they are taken care of.

We are making it our goal to pay extra each month on our mortgage. By sending an extra payment one week after the payment is due (making sure to add pay to principle) we are hoping to save some money on the interest that we will be charged over the next 30 years.

Family Goals:

I'm through with the drama that has infiltrated my life in the last year. I am going to concentrate on the things that I know that I can affect and change. I'm going to spend this year teaching my kids about the value of family, respect and love. I want to make time for them in new and interesting ways. One of my kids suggested a family game night - I think this is a great way to get more face time with my kids.

Blog Goals:

This past year I took a leap of faith and got rid of the MeMe's that made me feel comfortable and brought guaranteed comments. I didn't think that I would have enough ideas, time and focus to really make my blog a resource for other Mother's but I am drawn more and more to sharing my past experiences, everyday life and knowledge of raising 4 children.

I want to focus more on content, writing and editing. There have been many times that I have re-read a post that I wrote a week or two before only to find myself editing for spelling errors or weird phrases. Am I the only one that fixes things like this on older posts? I want to really take the time to think out my posts - sometimes I get an idea - type it out and then because it's almost 9:30 - I press publish. Then I spend the rest of the day thinking of better ways to say it or about the things that I didn't say.

One of the most wonderful things about blogging is the not only the connection that you make with your readers but the connection that you make with other bloggers. There are so many blog's that I found myself checking in with on a daily basis. With the end of the year holidays I found less and less time to spend on my computer and have lost touch with so many of them. I want to get back to that in the New Year.

I am going to try and get sponsors to the 2 blog conferences that I am going to try and attend this year. I am hoping to go to Boston for SITS Blogging BootCamp and San Diego for BlogHer.

Social Media Goals:

If you asked me this time last year if I would care anything about twitter or facebook for anything other than more entries on my giveaways - I would have laughed and said no. But over the course of the year I have discovered that it's like a miniature blogging platform. You really can develop a relationship with others in 140 characters or less.

2 greatest lessons I learned this year:

Use tweet deck to schedule tweets so that you don't take over the twitter stream. This also insures a steady flow of traffic to your blog through out the day.

Spend 15 minutes day retweeting, sharing and replying - nothing of your own. This insures that you really get to know those that you follow.

Photo Credit

Link up your end of the year posts below...I'd love to check them out!