Tuesday, May 10, 2011
A Couple of Things I Can't Stand About Myself
I am not in the loop. Or even the vicinity of the loop anymore. I used to be. Right smack dab in the loop. Like if you wanted to be in the loop you would have to knock me out of it king of the mountain style. I used to use a calender and be able to tell you without blinking exactly what we would be doing 5-6 weeks from now.
Last night as I was getting ready to throw in another workout I got a phone call. One that sadly I am becoming accustomed to. Hubby called to let me know that when he picked up our 6 year old has a sticker on his shirt...tonight is their Spring Program.
What? No way. Shouldn't there have been a note? Was there a note? How did we miss it?
I hate that I am so out of the loop but lately have felt powerless to get back in it. With everything that is on our plates lately I will be the first to say that I am in need of a good calender - and not just a pretty one. One that I will use and live by. So I changed my plans for the night and got ready.
I walked out of my house wearing this:
Not to shabby right? I'll admit that at first I felt pretty cute. But as the night went on I started to pick at myself. I noticed that the shirt was a little tight on my mid section and my feet a little fat for my shoes.
I started to feel like I was playing dress up rather than just getting dressed. I wish that I had a job and a life that called for just getting dressed but really - I wear the exact same thing to work every day...and rarely have a reason to wear more than just jeans and t-shirt.
I hate that I pick on myself. Why can I not just cut myself some slack? I can make concessions for every other person in my life. I can look at things from their perspective but rarely do the same for myself.
Don't I know that my body was stretched to it's very limits to house four of the loves on my life? Nope, all I can think is: I've been kicking it's ass lately. I've been eating right, exercising and expecting that it would just fall into line with what I want my body to look and feel like. Without out giving it time to actually achieve the results I'm gunning for, I admit defeat.
If my body were a friend's I would tell them they are beautiful. That it takes time and diligence (and let's be honest a miracle) to achieve the body of our youth. I would say lower the bar - look for small victories and be happy that you are blessed with enough time and resources to work on it.
What are you struggling with lately?
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I pick myself apart from top to bottom. When someone asks me what my favorite feature about myself is, I say none, and I mean it. I'd change something about everything, and I hate that about me too. :(
ReplyDeleteIm struggling with work being slow, I never realized how much I defined myself by my job. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteSo easy to judge ourselves and I have the same problem with feeling like I am playing dress up rather than just getting dressed nicely. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWell, I won't discuss how I tear myself apart. You look adorable in that outfit! I love that yellow shirt on you. I wish I could wear yellow. I look terrible in it.
ReplyDelete~Mimi
Love yourself. Time passes quickly. You are blessed.
ReplyDeleteUm, you're my new best friend. I don't even know what to say b/c teh whole post I'm like 'yup, yup." My kid is still little, but I am SO unorganized lately! It's so frustrating when I double book something and I beat myself up constantly.
ReplyDeleteI also work at home, so I feel so OVERDONE when I get dressed up. And b/c I lived in Boston for so long, I feel so overdressed all the time here in Minneapolis.
I guess I just try to tell myself I am doing the best I can. And try to work on things like calendars and organization as I can. To that end, I am trying to find the PERFECT planner.
I understand--we all do. And we ALL do this to ourselves in some way, shape, or form.
ReplyDeleteYou DO look beautiful! You DID rock that adorable outfit!