Friday, April 1, 2011
What Did You Say?
I was a Mother was speechless: While Giving Blood last week Hubby started feeling a little faint...so oldest said:
Don't be a wimp.
Don't be a baby...
Then he said don't B a P***y. <- the air was sucked out of the room or maybe it was the speed with which my head whipped around.
I was frantic trying to get this kid (who was stunned by my anger) to tell me where he had heard that. Turns out he meant scaredy cat. He kept saying I just left the cat off.
I was not sure what to do. Threaten? Ignore? Lecture? I, who am no stranger to profanity, was stunned.
After calming down, I explained that it wasn't a word that he should ever use. That it wasn't a nice jab at his Dad but rather a profanity that is punishable to the very extent of Mother Law.
The worst part - now they (my 2 other boys heard him and saw my reaction) know how bad of a dirty word it is. I wish that I could have kept them naive just a little while longer.
What would you have done or said? This is my first experience with this and not sure that I handled it in the best way.
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Don't worry, with 4 kids you will have plenty of opportunities to perfect the way you deal with this situation. It will come up again, and again, and again...
ReplyDeleteGuess that isn't very reassuring is it??
Something like this happened to me with my son (he was six and had heard a bad word at school). The teacher said to do just what you did AND to supply a word that he COULD use instead that was more acceptable.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there....
We have been through this a few times. In the beginning, it was usually an overheard word. My husband offered to give him the definition of the word and then they would come up with a new, acceptable word to use instead.
ReplyDeleteLater, as he entered middle school, he was using the words and knew exactly what they meant. I had to change the rules. I know that using foul language is a mark if "cool" around here, especially among kids his age. The new rule went like this: It's OK to use the words around your guy friends ONLY. If a teach, another adult, or a girl overhears you, you won't be seeing the light of day for a very, very long time. It's worked so far. As I said, I understand the coolness factor, but I want him to train himself to know when those words are inappropriate. Some parents may not agree with me, but here's the deal - he was going to use them anyway. I just put some parameters on his usage.
Also, my husband always says, "If that's the only word you can think of to describe that, you must not be very smart. Smart people have a much wider range to their vocabulary." It's prompted my son to use his thesaurus and baffle his friends. I remember, at one point, the "cool" word was "feces" thanks to his thesaurus. No, not the greatest word, but better than the alternative in my opinion.
Definitely would be hard NOT to react and I agree, it would be SO nice if we could keep them naive for much longer. I would've done the same as you. It's important for our kids to know about words that aren't appropriate and that there will be consequences for saying those words...like wiring their mouths shut. *grin*
ReplyDelete~Mimi
I like Alicia's tactic. My boy is only 5 so our "inappropriate" word are of the potty variety (literally). I tell him that some of the words are fine to use at home with mom & dad (i.e. fart, poop, butt) but not anywhere else.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, maybe I'm old and out of the loop. I couldn't even figure out what the word was until the part about leaving the cat off. If one of my grandsons used the word in this context, I would think he was calling the person a "wimp" or a "pushover"...just as he explained it (scaredy cat). So if he used it this way, he heard it somewhere in this way. I can't be the only one that would of understood exactly what he meant when he said it???
ReplyDeleteI have four brothers and know all the words. At 48, I'm able to restrain myself in public places.
ReplyDeleteMan, it's been a while since I've had the chance to stop by.
ReplyDeleteI think you handled it correctly. Maybe next time you'll be more prepared & the other kids won't see you get angry (which in my opinion only fuels the flames. Don't stress over it, happens to all of us.
The rule in this house is if you shouldn't use a word unless you know what it means. They are allowed to ask me what ANY word means if they hear it, but if they are told that it is a bad word and can't use it and they are caught, they will be punished.
ReplyDeleteI have to believe your son meant it when he said he was calling him a kitty cat. Your reaction however, was probably a normal mom reaction so don't beat yourself up over it. All you can do is explain to kids that some words were changed to mean bad things and therefore we shouldn't use them.
In the mean time...your kids know to beware Mother Law!