Thursday, January 6, 2011
Waking up to the Reality of Motherhood
See these beautiful boys? They are my pride and joy. My reason for waking in the morning and I worry sometimes that I will never be the kind of Mother they deserve. While I love them more than life itself - I fear that I have made them out to be little angels by only focusing on the good about them.
They show me everyday that Motherhood is a battle waged over the lifetime of your kids. It's not easy or even pleasant every day but it is definitely a war worth fighting. There are moments when find out what it IS to be a Mother? I wanted to share one of those moments this week. It didn't come from anything good. It came from a big pile of nastiness I found under my bed.
Now you might be thinking that labor and delivery is when you find out what it is to be a Mother...but I don't think so. Sure you find out what your body is capable of - you find out what your heart is capable of - you even find out what it means to love someone more than life itself - but Motherhood is a badge that is earned day in and day out in little moments.
These little moments can be things that melt your heart, like a dirty fistful of smashed flowers or a soul crushing hug from your toddler after a long day at school but they can also be ugly, stinky and tear inducing.
While folding laundry this past week I knelt down next to my bed to pick up a sock I had dropped. Something caught my eye and upon further investigation I realized that my 3 boys had been using my bed as their own personal dumping grounds. If they were eating an apple while watching TV in my room - why waste energy to throw it in the trash - nah toss it under Mom's bed. Sneaking candy when your not supposed to? Mom's bed turns out to be the best place to hide it or just the wrappers.
The more that I dug out of the dump that was once only reserved for dust bunnies, the more steam seemed to be coming out of my ears. Thank goodness my kids were on a sleep over because I really fear what I might have done or said to them in the first few minutes of discovering the mother load of all messes.
I told Hubby to go and get his kids - I wanted them home immediately. In the 20 minutes that it took to gather them up and drive home...I had a chance to calm down and reflect.
Now I'm not going to say that this is all my fault (I didn't leave a container of cashews under the bed in some sleep eating fit) but I couldn't help but wonder how the heck they did do all of this without me knowing it. Where the heck was I when they had been eating muffins and throwing the wrappers under there?
Truthfully? I might have been on the computer. I might have been writing out one of my posts or reading one of yours. In the past year I have found myself drawn more and more into spending more time online and therefore turning a blind eye to my kids every move. It's seemed that I might have needed this kick in the ass to get to the realization that my kids are still little. They still do dumb stuff. They need a lot of supervision or they are going to get into trouble, make mistakes or just be plain gross.
I really needed those 20 minutes to be able to greet my kids at the door with a calm heart and a steady hand. I looked them straight in the eye and asked very quietly...did you eat and dump anything under my bed. They all admitted to it and then got to work cleaning our entire house right along with me from top to bottom. I didn't raise my voice or use harsh words when they complained. I simply said - we are going to clean until we know how to use the trash can. When I thought of giving up - I would remind myself of my blame in the situation. I'll stop when I know better than to let my kids roam while I blog.
These ugly moments are not as endearing as flowers or hugs but they are no less important. Motherhood is not something that we are born knowing how to do but a skill that must be acquired over the lifetime of our children's lives.
I have such high hopes for the childhood of those I am responsible for. I am in such a better place than my Mother was for me. I want them to look back on this time of their lives with an endearing smile at the joy of just having to be a kid. I have held back on letting them in on the harsh realities of the world that we live in so that they can know what it really means to be innocent. I want them to grow up with the love and attention that I wished for as a child but if I don't wake up to the fact that my children need me to focus on them, my dreams will never come true.
This post was written and linked up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop here. If you are interested in participating here are this week's post topics. I chose # 5.
This Weeks Prompts:
1.) Choose a word that encompasses 2010 and describe why. What word will you choose as your theme for 2011?2.) If the way you spent your New Year's Eve is any indication of how the rest of the year will go, how would you say your future is looking right about now?
3.) Drunk.
4.) What happened in 2010 that you'd rather not repeat?
5.) Read and Respond: "If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up." ~J.M. Power
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You handled that situation with grace and beauty, all while teaching a valuable lesson. Congrats on being an awesome mom!! You're an inspiration ♥
ReplyDeleteI think you handled this beautifully. The not raising your voice or using harsh words especially. I think they'll learn so much more from this "exercise" because of the omission of those two things. Kuddos to you and hopefully the underside of your bed will remain clean!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this. Look on the bright side, at least you didn't find the neighbors's missing cat under there.
ReplyDelete;-)
That's actually really funny that they littered up your room!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and it's great that you realized that maybe you were spending too much time online. I have to fight this problem, too. I feel like I am working so I should be able to spend time online, but the kids don't understand. They think they are just being ignored while I 'play' on the computer and they often will act accordingly. I am really making an effort to cut down on my time online when they are awake. I have to get off here now to do homeschool lessons.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. It's amazing the interesting things we discover our kids have done. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSigh, this really struck a chord. Yep, this past year has been a real change with my online activities. Another big sigh...Thank you for your honesty.
ReplyDelete~Mimi
I LOVE this post. You worded it all perfectly! The reminder that our growing, but still little, children need us!!!
ReplyDelete